Yes, i'm still here...

In case anyone is waiting anxiously to hear from me (hah!) just thought I would say I am still here, but extremely exhausted. We have been on the go since last wednesday, and I can barely form coherent sentances much less write an interesting blog post. But keep checking back, soon I will tell you all about our trip to Becca's, to Hot Springs, and everything else going on with us right now, as i'm sure you are just dying to know! It's very frustrating, that I love to be on the go and enjoying life, yet when I do, I pay for it dearly. Double and maybe triple doses of steroids for me this week, just what I need at the start of swimsuit season, woot woot!

One little thing......

Justin is applying for a new job that would mean huge things for our family. Please, please, pray that all goes well. That the application gets there on time, and that well of course, he gets the job!

Love to all- Jas

It's starting to feel like summer...

I gotta say, I'm not the biggest fan of summer. My illness keeps me from being able to spend long periods in the sun, and the medications i'm on deydrate me easily so I hate to be hot. And summer is way hot! I hate to sweat. I don't look cute in shorts. Not to mention everything that keeps the kids entertained and active is over. No mops, no preschool, no wed night church, no soccer games. Just me and 2 over-energized red-heads trying to keep cool. I'll go insane! Maybe, if I had something to look forward too it would be different. But seeing as how Justin has no vacation time yet, and we couldn't afford to go anywhere even if he did, we will be staying right here.

Anyway. Has it really been a week since I last blogged? time passes so fast! Especially with the husband gone. I don't think I have had a chance to look at the calander or clock!

Well Justin got to come home for a break this past weekend! Yay! It was so great to see him. The girls would not let him out of their sight, it was hilarious. On Saturday we went to Jaycee's end of the year soccer party at the McDonalds on 71. The kids had a blast! We were very blessed to be part of such a good team with great coaches. They always made everyone feel very welcome and made all the kids feel special.

Jaycee and the only other girl on the team, Ava.

The whole team waiting on their trophies. What a bunch of cuties, right?

After that, we headed to prarie grove for some family time. Justin's step-mom's sister's step-son (got all that? there may be a test later....) graduated this past weekend, so all their family was visiting. Grandparent's that we don't see often etc, so we decided to go. And, ok, I admit it, we aren't really ones to turn down offers of free good food! And did I mention they have a pool? Yeah. We were first told it wouldn't be ready for swimming on Saturday. Welll, some of the older kids decided to go ahead and get in, so this sort of blew my cover with Jaycee of telling her that the pool was broken. She threw a fit to get in! And of course we didn't have a suit with us, so we let her get in in her panties. She's only 3 right? Who cares!

Then of course, since Jaycee got to get in, Jos wanted in too! And she only had a diaper. I have to say, it is pretty impressive the amount of water a diaper can soak up! Jos with Justin's cousin Bethany. She's a sweetheart!

I had a blast. I really don't get a lot of adult interaction time. I have 2 what I would consider "bff's". One lives in conway, and the other just in ft smith, but both are just as busy or busier than I am so we don't get together much. I think this is one of the reasons I have really struggled the past few years. Friends are very important to have, and I know that now more than ever. but it's hard to make friends! I am a shy and awkward person by nature. I am glad I have a husband that is like my best friend. But there are things that you just needs girl friends to talk to about! So I greatly enjoyed being with Justin's sister, SIL, and cousins. Here we are taking a group pic. Yes, that's my head in the background. I almost got lost in the jungle....

Joslyn with Dalton, the graduate. I think she had a little crush. She sat with him most of the afternoon!

And a pic I just loved. The girls sitting with their memaw, trying to cross their legs like her :)

We stayed untill about 7 on sat evening then headed home. On the way home, Justin decides to inform me that he heard that he may be going to Korea next year. Oh for the love of pete! Seriously?? Didn't we just do like everything we could to keep this from happening. Then he's all, oh don't worry, they said we might could bring our families. Agh! So, we just bought a house, and now we are going to move to Korea for a year?? I mean I guess going with him would be better than staying here by ourselves for a year. Who knows what will happen. Sigh.

Sunday morning we hung out as a family untill he had to leave. Ate breakfast, snuggled, played with the kids. It was nice. Then he had to go again :( But, we were invited back to the step-aunt's house for more graduation celebration. This time everyone was going to swim and there would be a cookout. Swimming was fun, but man was the water cold!! And I hate to dissapoint you all, but there are no pictures of me in my bathing suit. I know you all wanted to check out my killer steroid puffed body. Alas, you can't.

Tomorrow is the mops end of year party, Jaycee's end of year preschool party, and then the girls and I are headed to Conway to spend some time with my bff Becca and her adorable daughter!

Love to everyone!

8 years of.... bliss?

Yesterday, May 18th 2010, marked 8 years of mariage for Justin and I. It was the 3rd anniversary that we spent apart! But, the great thing about a marriage like ours, is that we didn't need to be together to celebrate. Ok yeah, so it would have been much more fun. But the whole day, even though I never saw my husband's face, I felt a sense of peace. I am married to a wonderful man. A man that loves me, despite all my flaws and shortcomings. A man that works hard for his family and always has. A man that loves his children more than I ever knew a father could. A man with good morals and values. How did I get so lucky? Well, for one thing I claimed him when we were teenagers, hah! But also, I think God knew I would need someone who would stick by me through everything. Someone who would take those words "through sickness and in health" seriously. Someone who could stand up and be the parent he needed to be when I just couldn't for whatever reason. Someone who could and would, always pick up my slack.

Justin cleaning. He was just being dramatic with the mask, honest! The kitchen wasn't really that dirty! Though this was when we lived in TN, and not long after Jaycee was born, so nothing is certain......

Justin vacumming and entertaining the baby at the same time. Now this is a guy that knows how to multitask! At least he learned something from the military....

And wasn't Jaycee just the most adorable little baby? I miss those days sometimes, ya know, when she couldn't talk? Heh.

I don't have any wedding pics on this computer, but here's a couple of us.

Right after Jaycee was born. Why do I look so drugged? Oh yeah, I was! 23 hrs of labor, most with pitocin and no pain meds, ending in a c-section anyway and on mag sulfate. Yeah, that's it.

At a marriage retreat the military sponsered. The unit Chaplain did all the services and he was amazing! It was a wonderful weekend of re-connecting.

In Nashville at the American Choppers show. B/c I'm a nice wife, and spent a day looking at motorcycles when I really couldn't care less. Hah!

Ok enough of that.

On to the actual day. So yeah, Justin was at 2 week military training. But I really didn't want to sit around all day feeling depressed. So I called my mom to see if she at least wanted to meet for lunch, and of course she said yes! I couldn't decide where to eat, so I asked Jaycee what she thought. She said "let's go to that lobster place!" I said what? How do you know about that place I don't think you have been there. She said " I never beed there, I need to try it!" Still confused about how she even knew what it was, but hey any excuse to eat at red lobster is fine with me! So we met mom for lunch there. What's interesting, is after talking a bit she reminded me that it was her "anniversary" too. No, not her wedding anniversary. Her adoption anniversary! My mom and her brother were both adopted by my grandparents as babies. My Grandmother has always recognized this day as mom's "anniversary" of adoption. Lately she's been sick though and must have forgotten (she is 85 yrs old!) but that was ok, b/c we celerated anyway.

Mom and the girls at the table:

Mom and Jos:

I promised (ok, bribed) the girls that if they were good at lunch I would take them to the park to ride the train. O.M.G. Joslyn is like train obsessed. How did I end up with 2 girls that love trains and toy story? She begs me every day to take her to ride the train. We usually go at least once a week.

Girls on the train. Notice Joslyn's ohmygoshiamonthetrain!!!!!! face? Love this kid.

All in all it was a good day. A little lonely, but that's ok. I am just glad that my sweetie is only gone for 2 weeks, instead of much longer like he probably would have been had he stayed on active duty.
So happy anniversary my love. You are everything to me.

As promised.....

Pics of the girls at my nephew Kade's b-day party! This was before Joslyn decided it would be much more fun to play in the mud in just her diaper :)

A meaningful day

Well we had an active day today, but unfortunately I forgot my camera! Give me a break though, It was an accomplishment just to get out of the house! I was doing the single-parent-because-of-the-military thing. Justin is currently on his 2 week annual training, all the way at Ft Chaffee! Yes, a whole 15 minutes away. But, he is not allowed to come home at night, so that leaves me with 2 energy filled red-heads and a need for lot's of mtn dew and coffe.

So, today I managed to get us all up, fed breakfast, dressed, and to church on time! (Still trying to figure out how I can get us out the door faster when Justin isn't here, hmmmm...). Bro. Ronnie preached a great sermon today. It's so amazing that it always seems that whatever he is preaching about relates to something in my life in a huge way. The kids had a great time in their classes as usual! After church we came home to change clothes and grab some lunch. Then headed towards my old stomping-grounds, yell county. My oh so sneaky idea was that I would get them into the car right about the time for their nap, and they would sleep the entire 1.5 hrs. They must have sensed my plan, and decided that it would be way more fun to keep each other awake the whole way so that they would be nice and cranky! Thankfully, there was so much fun to be had at my nephew's birthday party that not having a nap didn't seem to bother them. They had a blast! These girls really love their family and were so happy to see everyone. My brother and SIL live in Birta. Now, if you have never heard of Birta AR, there is a reason. The population is around 40 people, half of which I think are my family. These people live a slow paced down home life that many would envy. They are full of love, life and friendship. Oh, and did I mention they have a lot of mud? Especially on a rainy day in May? Yeah, by the end of the party Joslyn was covered head to toe in mud, and wearing nothing but a hairbow and a diaper. Several people did have cameras and I hope to be able to snag some pics of her b/c it was quite hilarious. I think they had as much fun as I have ever seen them have, just playing in a mud puddle.

Aren't kids just awesome? When it really comes down to it, they don't need all these big fancy expensive things to make them happy. Just give em a mud puddle and some worms and they are in heaven. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could all be that way? That we didn't lose that as we grow older? I especially struggle with this in my life. If there is one thing that I wish for, it's just to be content. To not worry so much whether someone likes me or not. Or if someone that should love me really does or doesn't, or maybe just doesn't know how to show it. To not wish I had more, bigger, better, when I should just be happy with what I have. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone like you. You can't have everything. So why try? I know I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Why did I have to have a rocky childhood? Why do I have to be sick? Why do I have to take steroids every.single.day just to be able to live, and in return my body blows up like a balloon? Why do I have to be in pain all the time? Who knows. Things just happen. But it won't ever do me any good to dwell on it. Instead, I should be out there jumping in mud puddles. Well, theoretically anyway!

Anyway! We did finally make it home after the party. The kids have been bathed, fed a snack, read to, and put in bed, and I am in need of some major rest in preperation of another crazy but wonderful day as mother to 2 full of life read headed little girls!

Oh P.S. I promise I will try to come up with pics of my mud monsters! But since I don't have any, and I love to show them off, here are some that might in some way relate.

Jaycee, Jos, Aiden, and Kade halloween 2008. The little pea-in-a-pod baby Kade turned 2 years old today!

Soccer season ended yesterday, so here's a couple of my favorites of Jaycee on the soccer field. She claims she is done with soccer and is moving on to baseball (coincidently, the boy in her preschool she likes plays baseball....) so these may be the final images of her in shin guards!

Oh this kid....

Had to share, b/c I am sitting here giggling like crazy!

Joslyn was laying in Justin's recliner pretending to sleep. She sat up and looked at me and said mama, I sleeping, and honking! I said honking, what? And then she made a fake snoring sound and said "see, honking!"

My, um, little girl?

Jaycee 3yo, will be 4 in July, is quite the character. I think every mom of a little girl dreams of having this little princess. Everything surrounded by pink, ribbons, bows. Wondering which disney princess she will love the most. Boy was I ever suprised when my sweet little Jaycee turned out to be the opposite! She tells me often, with a sad face "mom, I wish I was a boy!" I tell her sorry baby, you came out as a girl! Her resonse? "Well, I want to come out as a boy!" Um sorry kiddo, only 1 ride per customer! You can't come out again! She has also taken to informing me that she doesn't like princesses, she likes toy story. Oh, and she doesn't just like toy story, it has taken over her entire life. Which hasn't been hard to do lately, since I think everything in the world can currently be found with buzz lightyear on it. She has 3 pair of toy story shoes, including cowboy woody boots. She has several toy story shirts, a hat. But the best? Yes, she has toy story boys underwear. She begged and begged me for months to buy her toy story underwear. I refused! I mean surely buying your daughter boy's underwear would set them up with gender issues for life right? But she would get so upset. She just didn't understand why they wouldn't make girl's underwear with woody and Buzz on it! So, we finally made a comprimise. I bought her some boys toy story boxer briefs and told her she could wear them as shorts, and she's not allowed to wear them out of the house! I'm pretty sure Justin thinks i'm crazy.

She also loves drums. We got her a drum set for christmas, and she played it so hard that she demolished it. I should have known better than to get her plastic! But I didn't expect her to be the next Neil Pert. Someday we will get her a real set. Currently we don't really have the space, not to mention a real set is rather spendy! Ok, and i'm not looking forward to listening to the drumming all the time. Though I should have known when I married Justin that we would end up with a child that loves to play the drums as much as he does. I just hope she's as good as him someday :)

I just love this kid though. She is my little tomboy, yet she's so thoughtfull and loving. This morning she actually told me she liked the walls in my bathroom. Um, thanks? She is always complimenting everyone and everything. She loves to give hugs and kisses. She loves babies. She loves her sister, most of the time. She really loves her family, and she has a lot of them to love! 4 sets of grandparents and she adores them all. She also loves her friends, her church, and her teacher.

Jaycee, you are such a joy to me. Smart, friendly, loving, curious, and so active. I love you being my little baby girl, but i'm also very excited to see you grow up.

And another....

Joslyn did the cutest thing today, I just had to share it!

Let me start in the begining. I haven't been actively involved in a church for a long time. Many things happened during my early teen years that made me not want to belong to a church. I never lost my love, or faith, in god. But not having a church family is hard. It didn't help things that we moved a lot. 12 times in 7 years! I am not the best at going out and putting myself into a situation where I don't know anyone. I have a pretty sever case of anxiety, and it has always been the demise of my ability to connect with new people.

Not long after we moved back to Greenwood, my mom asked me to try coming to church with her. I was very interested in getting involved with a church that had a lot of activites for us to be involved in. I needed some me time, in some way! When I found out that Greenwood FBC offered a lot of options I was willing to try. Wow, was I ever impressed! I beleive Pastor Ronnie could win anyone over though. I just love to hear his sermons! But I have to admit, I still wasn't sure if this is where we totally belonged. Justin wasn't raised baptist, so this has been an adjustment to him. I also have worried that maybe it's too big? How are we ever going to grow close to other people when there is no way we can know most of them!

Then today, I was scrolling through pictures from the nursery blog by sweet Tonia Hobbs. Joslyn was standing by me, and she saw the pictures and started naming all the kids in her class! I was just floored. I couldn't beleive she remembered all their names. She told me "dey my fwiends!" So Sweet! And then, out of nowhere with absolutely no promting, she prayed! She put her little hands together and said " deaw God, I yuv my daddy, my mama, and my daycee" I started to tear up! How sweet is that? My 2yo little baby, saw pictures of her and her friends from church and said a heartfelt prayer to god. If that doesn't prove to me that we are in the right place, I don't know what could!

So even though it was rough at first, going in and really not knowing anyone or much about the church, it seems that we are starting to feel like it's our home. I just think God has placed us here for a reason, and that we will learn and grow in him. I pray every day that we make some meaningful relationships with other christian people that have the same views as us.

Ok, i'll try!

I have been thinking about blogging for a long time now. No really, I promise! But I always think, why? No one will want to read about my boring life. I don't even want to read about it, it's depressing! But today changed me. I attend MOPS meetings the 2nd and 4th wednesday's of the month during the school year. For those who don't know, MOPS stands for mothers of preschoolers. We get together and eat, talk, listen to speakers, do crafts. It's really great to have time with other mommies! Today our speaker was Kelly Stamps, a pretty well-known blogger. She talked about how blogging is sort of like a scrapbook for your family. I had never thought of it that way! I have never had the desire to scrap book. I don't even have a baby book for Joslyn, whoops! But typing, I can do. Uploading pictures? Can do that too! So i'm going to give this blogging thing a try.

This being my first post, maybe I should tell a little about myself. Well, there isn't much to tell, heh. I started my life in a small town in Arkansas named Danville. If you don't know what or where that is, well, I assure you, you aren't missing anything. My parents divorced when I was 12, and eventually my mom re-married and moved us to Greenwood when I was in 9th grade. During my sophmore year, I met Justin. We got married right after high school (this is not an exageration, literaly the day after we graduated!) Then Justin left for basic training less than a week after we got married. Yeah that was no fun. but he was only gone a couple of months, and then we were able to start our married life. He worked, I worked and went to school at Arkansas Tech, and we lived in Russellville. Everything was going great!

Then, in the Spring of 2004, I started to not feel good. My joints would ache, I was extremely fatigued. I just kept telling myself it was nothing, that I would get better. But I didn't. It kepe getting worse and worse, untill I was so ill I couldn't get out of bed without help. Couldn't bathe, dress myself, or anything without help. One day I woke up with horrible rashes all over my body and was scared to death. We decided that even though we didn't have health insurance, I had to go to a Dr. The Dr threw out some different ideas of illnesses, some really scary, some unkown to me. When he mentioned lupus, I had no idea what it was. I went home that night and looked it up on the computer. I knew right then that's what I had. But we had to wait for all of the tests to come back before we could get an official diagnosis. Meanwhile, Justin was supposed to go to TX for his weekend drill. We thought that odd, since usually he just drilled in Barling. I was way too sick to even try to go with him, so I stayed with my mom. When he came back, he told me horrible news. He was going to be deployed to Iraq. I was so scared! What was I going to do? We started trying to plan for that. 2 days later, I got the call from the Dr. I definitely had lupus. I needed to start seeing specialists immediately to get things under control.

Justin was deployed for around a year, and durimng the time I stayed with various family members trying to work on getting well so I could go back to school. Then he came home, and ta-da, a month later I was pregnant with Jaycee! Hmm, funny how that happens...... But this created another problem. We still didn't have insurance! But, we thought, the military insurance we had while he was in Iraq covered everything, so we decided the best choice for our family would be to go active duty in the military. Unfortunately, that meant moving away from our family, and the only home i'd ever known, Arkansas. So we moved to Clarksville TN. Had baby Jaycee on July 21st 2006. I was totally in love with being a mommy! I just really wished that she could spend more time with her family in AR that loved her so much. Then, 8 months later, though on supposedly 99% effective birth controll, I found out baby #2 was on the way! Then on Dec 13th 2007, sweet little Joslyn was born.

Around fall 2008, we decided we couldn't stand it anymore. We didn't belong in TN. We were lonely, felt out of place. We decided that even though it would be tough, we were going to do whatever it took to move back home. So in Jan of 2009 the girls and I left TN for good. Justin joined us a few months later when his contract was up. The job search was on! Things were really scary for awhile! Thankfully with the help of family, we made it through and Justin found a job.

Now I feel like we are really starting to enjoy life. We recently purchased our first home! It's no mansion, but it's ours and after all we have been through that means a lot. We have also been attenting church regularly at the first baptist church in Greenwood. We aren't officially members, though I feel like we should be! We love being close to our family and being able to attend family functions. We still don't have a lot of friends, but we are working on trying to be more social! I have never been good at making friends. I always feel very awkward around people, and out of place.

Ok I promise i'm done. If anyone actually read this, thanks! Hopefully now you at least know a little more about me, and I promise i'll post more interesting things!