Birthday parties and shoes

How cute is this?? Jaycee's class took a field trip to city hall and got to tour the fire station, police station, see police cars, and tour the mayors office and city council meeting room. The mayor (who happens to be Jaycee's teacher's husband!) set up a mock city council meeting for them and it was so adorable. They had to campaign and vote for their favorite candy, then the one that had the most votes, they all got a piece. Jaycee was in charge of holding the sign for the votes :)

Look at this outfit that rara got Jaycee!!! Gorgeous right?? She was all dressed up to go to a birthday party for a boy and she was so excited. How did she get to be so grown up and gorgeous?? Someone tell her to stop! She was so excited about being invited to the party. She really hasn't been invited to many parties yet, so it was a big deal to her. I really fear for her, that she is going to turn out too much like her mama, letting her heart get broken too easily, when no harm was meant. She doesn't understand why every single person she knows doesn't invite her to their birthday party. It's been interesting, trying to explain it all to her!

Miss pattycake came to our church!! The girls loved meeting her and had a great time at the show. Mommy had long hours working at it! But it was fun. She was an amazing woman to meet, so much love in her heart for God's children!

At a Mcdonalds birthday party on Saturday. Aren't they funny? After the party we went shoe shopping and I think we bought a total of 6 (!!!!) pairs of shoes!! Can you believe that? All 3 of us needed 2 pairs. I needed some for church that wouldn't hurt my feet so bad, and some new tennis shoes since mine were really old and the runner/foot health boss in this house (ahem, Justin) said I really needed new ones to make my feet stop hurting. Both girls also needed new tennis shoes/school shoes, and summer shoes. Thank heavens for target, and their abundance of cute cheap shoes! Oh, and I have to say my husband rocks for cleaning the house while we were gone. He's been doing a good job lately of piccking up my slack on cleaning and cooking. I just can't seem to get a handle on this working and being a mom/wife thing. My house is always a mess, we don't have many home cooked healthy meals. But we are trying!

I've spent the last hour searching for bible verses to help me cope with a particularly difficult situation. I decided that maybe someone out there needed one of them as much as I do, so maybe I should share and slip in a few pics of my cute kiddos :)

How do we begin to handle being treated badly by someone that is supposed to love us? Well, if I ever figure that out I'll let the rest of you know. All I know is, when it gets almost unbearable, I just have to remind myself that God loves me, no matter what. He always has, he always will, and nothing will ever change that. People in my life who should love me, who should lift me up and encourage me, who should want to spend time with me, don't always meet those expectations. I know, no one is perfect, and I shouldn't expect that. But when it happens over, and over, and over again, it gets harder and harder to deal with. But that is what God is there for, to be the one that does love us, every single time. The one I can always depend on. The one that knows my heart, and knows I don't deserve to be treated like I don't matter. That my children don't deserve to be treated that way. And, to remind me that when these things do happen, the best thing I can do is try to be more like him, and forgive them. Love them despite their hurting me.

Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave thee or forsake thee"

Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

John 14:1 "Don't let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God"

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.......

I could go on and on. But you get the idea :)

A "hand" full of a week

I don't know about the rest of you, but these 2:
suuuuure did enjoy a few snow days at home! I think we all learned the true meaning of the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and will highly benefit from some time away from each other this coming week, along with our budget benefiting from going back to normal hours at work!

Do you ever feel like you are wandering through life with a giant target at your back, and the rest of the world has their weapons of mass destruction aimed right at you? I feel like that a lot. Or, maybe it's just my kids that are out to get me? I don't know about the rest of you, but so far 2011 hasn't been exactly been a year full of sunshine and happiness. And I'm not even talking about all the snow, which I actually happen to love. I am convinced I must have been a penguin in a former life, as I certainly have the same body shape as a penguin, and I happen to love the cold and snow.

Enough of my rambling, and back to my Target. The happenings of the past week were actually set in motion weeks ago. For awhile now, I've had this painful bump in my left hand. At a routine appointment with my rheumatologist, I asked him about it. He sent me to a surgeon, who wasn't sure what it was, but concurred that it needed to come out. We scheduled the Surgery for Tuesday of this past week, the 8th. We had everything all set up, and ready to go, until the surgery center decided that it would be way too easy on me for things to go smoothly, and changed the time of the surgery at the last minute. Oh, sure, I can just change my whole schedule around, including getting my children shuffled here and there. Yeah, no problem! Thankfully, I have some awesome friends and family who were willing to help us get everyone taken care of. It turned out to be a benign tumor in my hand, and they were able to remove it successfully. I have had my hand in a sling for most of the week, and will have my stitches for another week then should be back on the road to normal! I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in our life to help us through difficult times. My father, with his generous heart, who always seems to step in and make sure we are taken care of financially. My mom, who's always willing to help with the girls. My friends, who offered well wishes, helped with the girls, and kept us fed all week. I honestly don't know what I've done in my life to deserve such wonderful friends and family. I am blessed beyond measure!

So, just as my heart was overflowing with joy, my children decided they better reign me back in to humility. Starting this morning, when I woke to a crashing sound, and a lot of yelling. I went into the kitchen to find the whole floor totally covered in what Jaycee called a "food celebration!!" They took every single piece of play food, dishes etc and threw it all over. And they didn't leave out the ceramic tea set, oh no, they threw it all over as well, shattering every piece in the floor and leaving tiny slivers behind. I should have taken a picture, but I had to leave the room as soon as I saw it, and I walked away angrily proclaiming that when I came back in the kitchen it better all be cleaned up. I retreated to my room and tried to concentrate on getting ready for church, as I'm pretty sure there's some sort of commandment somewhere in the bible about not dismembering children on Sundays. After I managed to dress myself, as I'm walking through the small space between the end of our bed and the dresser, the bottom of the shirt I'm wearing (that just happens to be my favorite) catches on the drawer knob and rips. At this point, I'm running so late I don't have time to even think about changing, so I go on about my day hoping that no one will really notice :/

We did finally manage to make it to church, bandaged hand and all. Both children were whiny and clingy, driving me nuts of course. Like I didn't have anything to do. Since I was cooped up in the house all week, I wasn't able to make it up to the church to get things prepared for my 2's classes this morning, so I'm running around like a crazy person trying to get everything set up before all of the children arrive. Thankfully, everything went smoothly, and I think some of the kids may have actually learned something.

I was relieved we all made it home roughly in one piece, and needed more than anything just to lay down for a bit and rest. My hand hadn't gone so long unelevated all week, and was throbbing heavily. Somehow though, between the time we got home and the time I fed them lunch, they managed to shatter the large piece of glass covering the top of the furniture in their room. This furniture was mine as a child, and has been moved more times than I can count, each time taking very good care not to break this glass. I didn't hear, or see the glass break. But when I went to check and make sure they were getting their church clothes off, I noticed the glass. According to Jaycee "I climbed up there to get a ball down and knocked that (jewelry box) down and it broke it." !!!!!! I was seriously about to lose it at this point.

So, I set the girls up with some lunch and a movie in their room. They looked tired, and I was sure they would watch the movie and rest while I just lay down for a minute, rest my eyes and my hurting hand. Well. Of course that's not what they did! And of course, as I should have known I would, I fell asleep. Yes, that's right, I fully admit my part in all of this. About an hour later, I awoke to a loud banging sound. Justin, who was also in bed asleep after working 14 hours overnight, jumped up to see what was going on. He comes back into the bedroom, and tells me "the police are here, they want to talk to you." I'm freaking out of course. What is going on??? I run to the door, and sure enough 2 of greenwood's finest are standing there waiting on us. Apparently, my children just thought it was too nice of a day to stay inside and watch a movie, so they dressed themselves in ill-fitting non matched clothing, and proceeded to go outside and play while we were resting. Apparently, the next door neighbor is either a highly paranoid individual, or just is out to destroy me, and decided to call the police and report that my children were outside playing by themselves. According to Jaycee, she told the lady that "my mommy and daddy are named Jasmin and Justin and they are tired and we wanted to play outside." At any rate, we received a stern lecture about how they are too young to be out by themselves, and were told we really should get a deadbolt lock for the door. Heh, um, yes sir, we actually have a deadbolt installed at the top of the door, my hard-headed child stacks up toys and furniture and climbs up and unlocks it. Which is exactly what she did today. They probably think I'm crazy, b/c I was trying really hard to stifle giggle throughout the whole ordeal. First of all, the kids were in the yard, not wandering around town unsupervised. Second, anyone who knows us well, knows we are far from "neglectful" or "uncaring" parents. No, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes, but my kids are my life. Kids in general are my life! My strength in life is loving and taking care of children, and keeping them safe. I know, I know, these men were just doing their job, and didn't know a thing about me. Still, it makes me giggle when I replay the whole scenario in my head!

At this point, since it was about time to get back to church, I proceeded to dress the girls in clothing suitable for public. As I'm looking closely at Joslyn, I noticed something looked sort of funny. I asked Justin if he thought her hair looked funny, he said no. But I could just tell it wasn't right. We were in a hurry, so I didn't have much time to deal with it. A few minutes later as the girls and I are in the car on the way to church, Justin calls to tell me that he found chunks of red hair in the trash can. I knew she cut her hair! Sure enough, I asked her and she admitted it right to me. Somehow, she managed to get the scissors off the top of the bakers rack, and cut her hair.

It's actually not nearly as bad as it could be. It's hard to tell in the pic, but she took a good chunk off each side. I asked her to stand still so I could get a picture of her hair, and she posed like this. She looks like she really feels bad about it, doesn't she?? Hopefully this week we can try to get a cut so it will look somewhat normal.....

After church tonight, the first thing I did was call my mother. My first words to her were "I bet no matter how bad your day was, mine was probably worse!" And upon telling her everything, she fully agreed that I win the mega award for bad days. Which, essentially, is why one of the first thoughts that came to my mind after all this, was that I wanted to blog about it. B/c ya know what?? Your day could always be worse. There is always someone out there, somewhere, who is enduring something far more difficult than you. And, even though this day made me feel like I aged at least 10 years, now that it's all said and done, I'm pretty lucky. We are all here, safe and healthy, cozy, fed, and happy. Somewhere today, someone lost someone they loved, was in a terrible accident, or received some sort of devastating news. Hmm, yup. I got it pretty good.

My therapist (yes, I fully admit to seeing a therapist, most people with lupus do in order to learn ways to deal with the feelings and emotions that come with being diagnosed with chronic illness) once told me that she is totally amazed at the outlook I have on life and the struggles it presents me. She says I have a wonderful sense of humor. I see it as a huge blessing to be able to look at struggles and hardships and be able to laugh, or smile, or find the good somewhere. When God made me, he surely knew I would need such a disposition, and I think my job is to spread it around. Just call me Pollyanna!

I encourage you all, to have an absolutely wonderful week, and remember to give thanks for all of the blessings in your life.

A new year, full of new things!

First, b/c I forgot to show them last time I blogged, here is a pic of the little project the girls and I did as christmas gifts for the grandparents this year. So cute, right?? Not perfect by any stretch, but it's not supposed to be perfect when made my 3&4 yr olds :)








We have been having a lot of trouble with getting Joslyn to sleep. We finally made her this little pallet in our room, so on the nights she does wake up, she can still come to our room but not in our bed! They were both in it one morning, so I snapped this pic :)

This just cracked me up. I was folding laundry on the bed, and looked up and what do I see? Joslyns fur real kitty, "lulu" was spying on me. Life is never boring around here :D

Since we have had so much trouble with escaping dogs around here, I finally got smart and ordered tags. How cute are these?!?!

Joslyn finally got to start gymnastics last week!!! She was so excited about it. I went back and forth a lot trying to decide whether or not to let her. But in the end, I cancelled my own fitness center membership, and we made it work. It was so worth it, to see this smile on her face:

In other news, my dear friends Wendy and Tamara, and myself, have started the couch to 5k fitness program. Yes, that's right, my fat behind gets out there in the cold and runs. I admit, it is not in any way enjoyable. I hurt, it's cold, I'm sure I look ridiculous. But for some reason, I just had to do this. I haven't done any sort of strenuous exercise (well, besides chasing after 2 kids) in the 5.5 years since I was diagnosed with lupus. Yeah, I've been scared. I mean, just taking a shower sometimes leaves me in pain, I didn't want to know what it would be like to really push myself. But ya know, for 5.5 years now, things haven't really changed. I haven't gotten any better. So maybe this is just how i'm going to feel for the rest of my life. And if so, does that mean i'm just going to be scared to do anything strenuous, for the rest of my life? My dream is to take the girls to Disney world. I have never been, so I admit it's a bit of a dream for me too. A very far off dream of course, as half the time we can barely pay the bills. But say we do get there by some chance, do I really want my kids to see me have to drive around the park on a scooter? No way. I want to walk, I want to ride, I want to enjoy every bit of it the way people are meant to. I may never run a 5k. But, I can prove to myself that I am not helpless, and that I am still at least a little bit strong! I am just so thankful to have some amazing friends at my side.

Oh, in other new news, I got another job! Well, job is a relative word here. Position might be a better description? Our church is just overflowing, with big people and little people! Our preschool area is huge and includes kids from ages 2-4. The church decided that the 2 yr olds, being the neediest among them, needed their own "leader" to take care of planning etc of the classes. I was approached by the director and asked if I wanted to take this position, and I said yes! I'm still pretty sure she only asked me, b/c she knew I was the only person crazy enough to accept such a task :) I also work with this age kids at MDO. I feel good about it though. These kids deserve to have the absolute best care, and I hope to be able to help give them that. We have a lot of new ideas that I am so excited about! The only bad thing is I will no longer be able to work with the babies in the nursery. I will miss the nursery crew a lot! I had been working there for about a year now and had gotten used to being around all of them.

Random tangent time:

I know, that to some, my blog probably seems a lot different than others. It's not all just pretty pictures of my kids and home, or cute stories about the things we have done. I totally see some people's reason for wanting to have that kind of blog. To be able to look back and see all these happy things. For me, personally, my blog is a way to share all aspects of my life. My feelings, good and bad. Things that we go through in our daily lives. Things that make me smile, laugh, cry, and scream. I don't think I have really ever been a "put on your happy face!!!!!" type of person. Yes, I believe in being positive, and I trust in God to take care of me and give me what I need in life. But I also believe that life can be very frustrating, and that sometimes, it just feels like it downright stinks. I was reading my cousin's blog today, and her words just summed up my thoughts so well. She wrote that "believing in God doesn't constitute a perfect life, but one that gives us hope." And "it's OK to not appear to the world to have a squeaky clean slate. We will never be squeaky clean if we believe God is constantly molding us, shaping us, and loving us the way we are right now." She said all this to say yes, someday I will show my children this blog, and they will see that things were not always perfect. We had good times and bad. But her children will know, that their parents loved them so much, that they were willing to fight through whatever they had to, to give their children the best life they could.

All that to say, I'm sure some read my blog and think " wow, she's really saying that publicly? Doesn't she know what people will think????" Yes, and yes :) B/c this blog is my truth. This blog is my real life. And I am thankful that anyone at all is interested in reading it! :)

Love to all-Jasmin :)

PS: ummmm, it has been brought to my attention by several people that my blog does not allow comments. Being the not technologically savvy person that I am, I have no idea how to fix that. Eventually, when I feel the urge, I'll change my layout and hopefully that will fix it?

Windows, christmas, and hope?

Playing with make-up, lord help us!

Our Christmas card pic

The girls at Santa breakfast. Yes, that's right, the one where I slammed Joslyn's finger in the van door on the way in. Which is why, as you will notice on the Christmas card, the picture of them is not of them with Santa. B/c, ya know, when mom slams your finger in the car door, you really aren't too interested in seeing the big guy! And then when you do get interested, he's gone. So, you improvise, and sit on a reindeer instead! Then, your mom will also feel so guilty she will take you to see Tangled.

The girls at Justin's parent's on Christmas eve after our Christmas eve church service. Aren't they adorable?

This. This is the face of Christmas. She is so in love with her Lotso bear. So in love in fact, that even when she realized he was a mean character and she was scared of him, she still wouldn't put him down. Don't ask me why. I have no idea,

Me with my girls before Jaycee's Christmas program at church. She did so good, sang her little heart out! I was very proud of her.

That last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of activity! From parties (so many I lost count), to shopping, baking, wrapping, cleaning, unwrapping, cleaning again, etc etc. Some of my favorite things: shopping with the girls at dollar tree for gifts for them to give people, making/decorating homemade sugar cookies with icing, watching Jaycee try to wrap presents, cooking breakfast in the kitchen with my husband, watching my babies hold their candle and sing silent night. We decided to do our Christmas together during the day of Christmas eve. We really try to squeeze everyone in, and this happened to be a time when we didn't have anything else going on so we took advantage of it. We opened gifts and made a big breakfast. After a long nap, we went to the Christmas eve service at church. This is my favorite part of Christmas. I wouldn't care if I got a gift in the world, as long as I got to go. I love slowing down and focusing on the real reason for Christmas. Seeing my little girls soak in the Christmas story. Hearing their sweet voices sing silent night and away in a manger. It's all so, peaceful.

After the service, we go to Justin's dad's house for Christmas eve dinner. His step-mom is so funny, she made each of her 3 kids their favorite thing to eat lol! I think that was really thoughtful. We all got some wonderful gifts, and really enjoyed each other's company.

Christmas morning, the girls found their Santa goodies, then we packed up and headed over to Rara's house. Which, um, I don't have any pictures of! I am so bad about that. But we had a great breakfast with mom, bob, Grannie, and Jordan. Mom got me an awesome gift, razorback basketball tickets, 5 games! She got some too, so we can go together!!

From there, we headed towards Birta to see my dad. But first, we stopped off in Washburn to see Justin's grandma and grandpa. Once again, we were all blessed with nice gifts, and seeing more people that we love to see. We snacked a little, played a game. Then got back on the road to Birta! There, we were given more gifts (I'm seeing a pattern here...) and the girls got power wheels jeeps to ride on! I promise I will get a picture up soon. We ate some more (hmm, another pattern) and visited, then headed home.

Not long after we got home, Justin's mom and step-dad came over, and you guessed it, more gifts! We really are truly blessed, and undeserving of all these generous people in our lives. They stayed with us till Monday, and as usual the girls had a blast spending time with their mimi and popi.

All this past week, the girls and I spent time together watching new movies, playing with toys, and enjoying each other. They really are growing up so fast, and I enjoyed getting some time with them! I'm going to miss this time when we have to get back to the real world next week.

But oh, never fear, our time hasn't been without struggles of course. Which is good, b/c if everything were simple, I would have no good stories to tell, right?

First of all, Elvis was picked up by the fuzz, and taken to dog jail. I had to pay 30$ to bail him out, and am still trying to decide if he was worth it. I kid, I kid!!! We are glad we found him and he was safe. But seriously, if he digs out of the fence again, I may consider selling him to a sausage factory.......

Also, we got new windows on our house!! Yes, yes, this is a good thing. Our house was built in 1979, and it still had the original windows. They were not doing their job well, considering all were broken in some way. My mother, being the kind and caring soul she is, offered to help us out in this endeavor, and viola, hello Lowes! It took the poor guys all day to get the job done, even though there were only like 7 windows. But, when you have metal that's been embedded in brick for 30 years, things get a little messy. But guess what, now I have windows that open!!! Can you believe that?? It's the little things in life, right? Oh wait, let's take a step back here. Not all of my windows open. On the back of our house, there is a large kitchen window that looks out into the back yard. Why it isn't a door, I do not know. But our plan is to knock out said window/wall and put in a door. So, when replacing the windows, we skipped this one. Now, I want to say, I love my husband very, very much. But there is no denying his temper. Today, as the dogs barked incessantly in the backyard as usual, he thought it would be a good idea to bang on the window to get their attention to stop. Well, not so much. You guessed it, the window broke. Awesome, right? To be frank, we are not in any kind of position to replace this window currently. But, never fear! Here comes Justin with a cardboard shooting target, complete with bullet holes and picture of the bad guy!!! And for now, with the addition of duct tape, that is my back window. But it could be worse, right? We could have not even had a piece of cardboard to fix it with! We will just add this little incident to my list of "ways god is trying to keep me humble."

Someone asked me earlier if 2010 was better for us than 2009. I answered no. In 2009, a lot of things felt unstable, and we were unsure about a lot. But, we had so much hope. Hopes of owning our first home and it being something we could be proud of. Hopes of Justin having a great job that could support us. Hopes of my health improving. In 2010, we finally got more settled, but nothing went the way we had hoped. We were able to finally buy a home, bet we are not happy here, for many reasons. Justin's job turned out to not be what we thought it would. My health only seems to get worse, not better. While I love my job and the kids I work with, I didn't see myself having to start working. I struggle so, so much with dwelling on these things. I know, in my heart, that I need to concentrate on all the good things in my life. My beautiful healthy kids, my loving husband. I continue to pray and ask God to please give me peace, and a happy heart. To make me thankful for the things I have, and to give me the strength to endure whatever happens, and still be able to give to others.

So, here's to hoping that 2011 will be the best year ever. And maybe, all that needs to change, is me.

And here, for your entertainment, a short video of sweet Jaycee in her church Christmas program.

Thanksgiving

On the big steps at the rock gym

Jos playin ball

Jaycee with a ball

Jos and her great-grandpa

On the front porch at moms house

In mom's living room, I was trying to get a good shot!

With their great-grannie





With my mom- Rara

I better get a good post in for Thanksgiving, before all of the Christmas craziness really sets in!

We had a great Thanksgiving. Ours started the Wednesday night before, as we have so much family that we have to spread holidays out over a few days! Our first meal was at mom's house with mom, bob, grannie, Jordan, gidget, and the 4 of us. Mom and I both cooked some and we got some smoked turkeys. It was wonderful! It was nice to just relax and enjoy my family.

Thursday for lunch we went to the rock gym on the school campus to have thanksgiving with the Bridges'. We are so blessed to be a part of this wonderful family. Talk about some awesome food! The girls had a blast running around the gym and playing with the other kids. We left there and headed to Birta to see my dad and family. We had some more yummy food, and good visiting with family. I seriously love this holiday. I mean, what could be better than just sitting around eating delicious food and enjoying each other?

Oh, yeah, and shopping. That's another good thing, hah! I was able to talk my brother's girlfriend in to coming shopping with me. We hit toys r us at 9:30 thurs night and shopped untill 8am friday morning! Than that afternoon we put up our christmas decorations, and Justins mom and family arrived from texas to spend some time with us.

I am so thankful for all of the wonderful family I have. Without them, I don't know where I would be. I am thankful for my wonderful husband and 2 gorgeous healthy children. I am thankful that my health isn't any worse than it is. I am thankful for a roof over my head and a car to drive (no matter how humble and un-impressive they are ;) ) I am thankful that Justin and I both have jobs, and that I happen to love mine! I am thankful for all of the adorable little faces I get to see twice a week at MDO. I am thankful for a church home full of loving and caring people. I am thankful to live in a country where I can choose to attend this church.

To some it may look like we don't have much, and by a lot of standards we don't! But we have the most important things, that's for sure!

Just pics.....

I don't really have time to do much writing, but wanted to get up some pics from the past month or so that I finally downloaded!

Jaycee dressed to go to the fair with her school.

Our view of the field for the razorback game at cowboys stadium.

World's biggest TV.



Phil and Brent, aka Roy D Mercer radio show. They were sitting right behind us, and since everyone my mother goes she attracts someone from the male species, we ended up getting to know them.

Jaycee's hair one night after she let me blow dry it. So gorgeous!

Jos wanted a pic of hers too............

Chase, Justin, and Jos carving pumpkins.

Jaycee posing with her pumpkin

Jos with hers

Cinderella and Jesse

I believe this one explains itself...... OK it's sort of cute. How come in the only decent picture of me in 2 years, I'm dressed like a bumble bee? Kind of like how your Driver license pic is always awful, then you are stuck looking at it for years.....

Here they are in the outfits they wore to Jaycee's school party.

Modeling some cute outfits we got them in Dallas....

Waiting to go in rain forest cafe. My sole reason for posting this pic is Joslyn's face. This is the side of her that I am trying to explain to people when they tell me :"oh, she is so sweeeet!"

Homecoming pep really with Jaycee's class.

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

No, you aren't hallucinating!

I really am blogging again so soon! I had a few things I wanted to get out, and made myself sit down and do it!

I was just thinking about how much I love my church, and all of the people in it. Tonight we were so blessed that Justin got to come to church with us. As we were leaving, he said "wow, you really know everyone. I think everybody we saw said hi to you!" It just made me stop and thinking. Ya know, he's right. I walk through the halls, and so many people take the time to say hi, give a smile, handshake, or even a hug. I am so fortunate to have all of these amazing people in my life. I missed mops today, b/c I am a disorganized mess, and everyone I saw that goes to mops either asked where I was or said they missed me. How awesome is that? These people, who haven't even known me that long, and have no obligation to me, care enough to take the time to let me know I was missed. I know, for a fact, that God picked this particular church for me to belong to. So many times, and so many people in my life have made me feel worthless. But here, I never feel that way. I honestly believe now that the best way to bring people to a relationship with God is to show his love through actions. I would not have continued to come back, and bring my family back, to this church if I hadn't felt his love there. And if I hadn't continued to come, I wouldn't be growing in my relationship with him right now.

As I said before, I missed MOPs b/c I had a Dr appointment scheduled for today and didn't even realize what I had done until it was too late to reschedule! I had a lot of things I needed to discuss with him, so I really needed to go. By the way, this Dr is my rheumatologist, who I see about every 3 months unless something goes wrong. I absolutely love this Dr. He was actually the first "rheumy" (what we lupus people call our rheumatologist) I saw after I was diagnosed by a general practice Dr. Since Justin was deployed shortly after my diagnosis, having a kind and caring Dr. meant the world to me. Of course when we lived in TN, I had to find new ones, and as much as I liked the Dr's at Vanderbilt, I always missed Dr. Branum! So one of the first things I did when we moved home was get in touch with his office and get back in to see him. He remembered me well, and it was like we picked up right where we left off! He never fails to take any issue I have seriously. Today, I wanted to talk to him about this really painful bump in my left thumb. It sits right on the joint, and gets very sore and swollen throughout the day. He told me it was a nodule on the tendon there, and that it is very common in people with arthritis. But he also said that if not taken care of, it could get worse and more painful. So, we decided for now to just try a cortisone shot in it, and he said most of the time that works. If not, we'll be looking at surgery on my hand to remove the bump, ugh. The shot was very painful! He gave me a shot to numb it first, but it still hurt quite a bit! My whole hand and lower part of my arm have been pretty sore the rest of the day. But I'm praying this will work and we won't have to do anything else.

Other than that, after getting my lab tests back, he said my inflammation levels are high right now, which in other words means my lupus is showing some activity. But, thankfully the only way it's affecting me right now is my general fatigue and soreness. Isn't it funny the things we learn to cope with? That I'm actually thankful to be in pain? It sounds so strange I know. But when I think about the pain I'm in, I remind myself that it won't kill me. I'd rather have the pain, the fatigue, and the forgetfulness, than damaged kidneys, liver, heart, or lungs. He told me to try and take it easy. Hah! I told him I would, that all I needed was a maid, a nanny, a chef, and a job for Justin that paid about twice as much ;) But, he is right, I have to be careful. The scary season for me is coming up. Since lupus essentially means that your immune system attacks your own healthy cells, the best way to control it is by taking medications that reduce your immune system. But, then of course that makes you more susceptible to every little bug that goes around! And now that I'm working with little ones, I'm going to be exposed to all kinds of things I'm sure. But I will be praying that I stay healthy and can continue to do everything I need to do. I am just to thankful to be able to have a good Dr. To have health insurance, and to live in a time when there is enough knowledge about my illness to be able to treat it.

OK, enough of my rambling :) Have a good rest of the week everyone!

Love-Jasmin